The telco, who shall remain nameless, decided that, being a day late to pay would suspend all services and looks like cancel all contracts, leaving me without any form of mobile phone….thats great, but it gets better.

$63. That was the overdue amount they suspended it for. 63 fucking dollars.

Suffice to say they got a phone call off me about it and i got a lovely rude lady who tried to make me sound like an absolute moron when she implied i had to pay MORE than what was actually owing to get the service back on. I’m not talking a fucking disconnection/reconnection fee etc. Just plain bill. She was completely and utterly WRONG. By all accounts. and rude to boot! Bitch, your shit does stink and you were a pain in my fucking arse. I hope you get the sack over this, i truely do, your customer service skills are absolutely shit. You would not help me in any single way shape or form, you would not compromise, you just said “This is is, take it or fuck off”. Well guess what bitch? this shit ain’t over yet.

As far as i’m concerned, if you know me and know which telco i’m talking about, stay the fuck away from them like the plague. They fucked with the wrong angry bastard, believe you me.

Assholes.

Note: this list will be updated randomly, as i don’t have 20 things off the top of my head right now, so fuck you

Crowbars Top 20 Trendfaggian Things/People.*

20. Crowbar. (only because i bought an iPhone, fuckers.)
19. Pip (Twilight. Nuff Said.)
18. iPhones
17. Facebook baby belly Photos.
16. Facebook baby Photos.
15. Facebook profiles for babies and/or animals.
14. Penis shaped objects. (Cmon girls at hens nights, be fuckin’ creative, yeah?)
13. “Atheism”
12.
11. Facebook fan groups for useless shit. (get 15,000,000,000,000 fans!)
10.
9.
8. Bisexuality (More on this later!)
7.
6. People who play music out of phone speakers.
5.
4.
3. iPads (Thanks Sez!)
2. Twilight Fans
1. Twilight

*List subject to change without notice, order may change or content may change, most additions will be decided on The Pip Show on Radio Xenu. Every Wednesday and Sunday in the US and Monday and Thursday in AU. Yes, I co-host.

This guy, is the definition of a douche. Want bloggers to identify themselves? Sure, Fuck you.

Seriously, i understand outsourcing is a big thing and cheaper and whatever since indians work at a quarter of the price we would, but at the same time they’re absolutely fuckin’ useless and going nowhere quick, and i’ll tell you why.

1. What the fuck are you?
Seriously, what? you’re indian, why the fuck are you trying to put on the facade of a goddamned american? The call center is for australia, not america, so therefore, why would you mimic another countries accent? Atleast TRY to sound like the country you were hired by. Jesus f’n christ.

2. Yeah..er..uh..what?
Do telecommunications companies (i single them out because they’re the worst) go out of the way to find workers with the thickest accents known to man? I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. YOU. Its quite simple, i could draw a diagram to explain this but i’m too lazy. If you are not fluent in english, do NOT TAKE MY CALL. I WON’T UNDERSTAND YOU. I’ll ask you to either repeat what you said 14 times, or just act like i knew what the hell you said and wing it. Your fault if my modem turns into a fuckin’ Mimetic Poly Alloy based Terminator.

3. You Cheap Bastards.
Fucking cheap telcos. fuck you. bring it back home or fuck off.

Now. Can someone tell me what the FUCK is up with every goddamned movie these days boasting to be “3D”? Every single movie seems to use this goddamn shit these days, a technology thats been around for years!

But! Think of this.

The term 3D refers to 3 Dimensional, correct? A video game is 3D because you can rotate around environments, characters, etc, at whim and see every part of the person. Now. How the fuck do you do that in a movie? short answer, you don’t.

Movie studios tote the term “Shitty Ass Family Movie 3D” …..thats great and all, but can i pause the movie, rotate around the environment and look at everything else? Fuck no i can’t, nor do i want to (Except in the case of Goldeneye). So why the hell is the moniker 3d being used? I have a theory:

People are idiots.

People don’t get that wearing blue and red shades (or whatever they’re using now) does not produce a 3d effect, all cinema/tv 3d is, is quite simply bringing something from the background or foreground even further forward. Thats it. “oh shit my favourite character!” *puts on glasses* “its like she’s infront of me!”. No. Its not. You’re a fucking douchebag.

Now, i tend not to link to other sites, but Clint from Moviehole tends to agree, this 3d shit has to go. It went many years ago, and now its back, why? marketing ploy! Useless motherfuckers. I’m tired of this 3d shit. its aimed directly at trendfags like you, and you eat it up like its fuckin’ dinner. “The shits in 3d, it must be good!”.

Problem: 3D is old.
Solution: Bring on VR goggles for movies to follow the character yourself and choose what you want to see.

Now theres two types of 3D, filmed and post processing. Filmed is essentially filmed with 3d specific cameras, acceptable, its aimed at that, so be it, i still don’t support it. The other, is done after the film has wrapped up and its in post processing/post production, they add the layer on top. Dumb. As. Fuck.

Anyone of you lot that go out and see a movie because its “3D” should go die in a motherfuckin fire, though you might think its pretty with your glasses on. ….maybe i should redesign the site to be 3D, “The King of Kings 3D” ….yeah, that’d draw more attention. Fuckin idiots. Get over the 3D shit and make movies as they should be. If you need an example, go watch Boondock Saints and Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, written and directed by the fuckin’ insanely talented Troy Duffy. Now they are how you make a movie.

Note: I recall saying no more additions to the Trendfags series….but….well….shits just so stupid these days, i can’t not. Expect more soon.

friends who continuously tell you your partner is shit, and encourage you to leave them.
They can say all they like that they’re only looking out for you or because they care, but really do they care enough to respect your decisions and feelings? I cop this kind of bullshit fairly often, from friends on the internet who don’t even see things in person, to base these outbursts on. Just because you may act ignorant of some things online, or say things in humor that some find distasteful, does not mean you are exactly the same in person! people can act differently to different people, in front of different people and of course, in different circumstances. What you see, is not always what I get.
How about some respect, if not for them, for me. Who would know better than I do, what I’m getting myself into, or where i’m going with things? you can say that I can’t see the bigger picture, but thankyou, I can! the bigger picture is, I’m with someone I love and adore, he may do things that piss me off, but remember, he’s human! (apparently ) if you expect everyone to find an absolutely perfect partner, you’re an idiot. very rarely will you find someone who never does things you don’t like, who always does the right thing, bends over backwards for you and kisses your ass on all available occasions (well, those people can be easy to come by, but the catch is, they can usually be like that because you DON’T have feelings for them and they are trying to inspire them.)

The fact is, I know what I’m doing, I’m happy with him, and where I am, and nobody in the world is going to be able to convince me otherwise. It would be much appreciated if friends would not try to tell me he’s a deadbeat and a bum, not only is it none of their business, but it’s not how I feel about him, which is the main thing in this situation. I’ve had this guys child, i it wasn’t for him, my son and/or I would probably have been in bodybags long ago. I don’t have much family support, leaving him would be the death of me, please understand that, and i’m not trying to be dramatic here, he keeps me sane, he makes me feel loved and wanted, and above all else, if i left as you all say i should, i would miss him. I have not been happier than I am now, since the year my mother died. Those who have known me before and after that event, if they can recall my behaviors before and after, should be able to confirm this.

I did talk about leaving a bit while i was pregnant, when my hormones were all over the place, and I was pushed into the mindset of ‘think of the child’ I was told I was being selfish for staying because I love the guy, and that I was not thinking out for my son. Who cares what I feel, so long as he’s happy right? Wrong. How can a child be happy when his parents are not? who’s there to inspire that happiness if not for his parents? in my situation, I’d be all he had, and he would be all I had, there’s no happiness there. I was told I should go back to my fathers, he has a new family now, and I finally understand why he pushes my sister and I out, but draws the new lot closer. He’s lost before and he’s determined not to lose again. The loss of my mother kind of tore my family apart, so I suppose, why keep a hold of the broken pieces when you’ve a perfect happy picture to keep a hold of. if you understand what i’m saying there, you’ll see that going back there was not an option, I was told I could stay in his house, my childhood home, for a month or so at most, only before the baby is born.

and so, from these people telling me what I should do, I learnt that private life is best kept exactly that, private. I try my best to not talk to anybody about my private life online anymore, because that’s how these things come about, what have they got to tell me to keep away from, if I don’t give them any ammunition. I just want you to know, that not everything is as it was before, things have improved dramatically, and I’m even happier now, I’ve realised, finally, that there are things that make me unhappy, and that I shouldn’t focus on them, rather push them to the side, or out of my head because it’s true, life is short so ignore those self righteous motherfuckers.

So here’s a message to you, friends.
Stop overstepping your bounds. How about thinking about these points, before you try to convince me to leave him. Think about my feelings, seeing as you’re supposedly just trying to help me out. Just because you think a situation is bad, doesn’t mean it is, you don’t see how things actually go down in person and you’re assuming that I don’t know what I’m doing, and just with him for the ride. Now that’s an awesome vote of confidence! thanks!

May you drive drunk and Gouranga a bunch of hare krishnas! (yeah, lets see who gets that reference)

Remember, if she’s only your cousin, its alright to bang her while drunk.

Christmas, a time for yuletide cheer and present and being merry to others and loving and ….what the fuck am i on about?

Christmas: A time for trendfags to get all excited about new shit they will receive from family, friends, whoever the fuck wants to buy them christmas presents. Where the fuck did we go wrong?

Am i the only one to notice that pre-christmas sales, aren’t really sales at all? If you pay attention, you essentially pay exactly the same price you would normally, excluding maybe 68 cents. “On Sale for Christmas! buy now!” yeah, right. totally. Why not pay the extra 68 cents and stop being such stingy assholes? Christs sake, I need to start a store where everything is 99 cents cheaper than retail stores, since you’re all mostly stingy shits.

Now that thats said and done, the trendfag part! (i know you love these).

Every christmas, every single christmas people will get designer name this, that and whatever the hell from rich relatives they never see except for at the drunken foray that is christmas lunch/dinner. Prada, Gucci, etc, what the fuck. Then! if thats not bad enough, some people have to take their brand new christmas present mobile phones and text their friends about what they got and how cool and great it is, who then return text about the trendfaggian label shit they got this year and how cool they’re going to be when they see everyone from work/school/porn shoots next. Wrong. You are not cool, you’re a materialistic moron who justifies living by having brand name shit to make yourself look cool. Fuckin’ pains in the ass. Nobody cares what you got.

If you’re one of the people, like me, that don’t give a shit what you get for christmas (fuck, i’d be happy with a lego set, more useful than a fuckin gucci wallet), props to you, you avoid the trendfag mentality and if you do get something trendfaggian, its not because you asked for it. We all know the trendfaggians, heres a typical pre-christmas conversation:

Some Fuck: What would you like for christmas?
Trendfag: Gucci handbag, victorias secret underwear, prada wallet, rolex watch, anything overpriced due to the label on it that will give me some social status!
Some Fuck: Alright.

Fuckin’ lump of coal for you, trendfag. Your social status does not increase with the cost of the label you’re buying, it degrades your social status because it means you have the personality of a wet rag and that alone can’t hold you in the upper echelons of being “cool”. You fuckin’ fail.

Heres a tip from me to you: The cheaper it is, the more meaning behind it, the more expensive it is, the lower in life you become.

…And as much as i’m not religious, i have to agree with archaios to an extent in that, christmas has become a time for free shit, as opposed to say, i don’t know, family? When relatives you barely see come to visit, the first thought in peoples minds is now “Ooh, what did they get me?!” not “oh, its great to see uncle and aunty bumblefuck”. Take a life lesson motherfuckers, you fail.